Mental Disorders: Over- and Under-Evaluated

A.K.A. I'm too tired to think of a clever title and that's actually the reason why I'm writing this.
A.K.A. I may or may not have Depression but I do hang around with people with mental disorders so I'm posting this anyway and if you think I don't have enough personal experience well that's your opinion.

Hey look, here’s me blogging when I should be studying for my exam tonight, what else is new?

Right so I’m maybe not the most qualified to talk about these things, but I figured it needed to be said.

Depression runs in my family. I’ve never been formally diagnosed, but I’m thinking I might take the steps to get it checked out and it’s mostly because of this reason: I’ve been having a wretched week in terms of sleep. Only it’s been over-sleeping on my part, not under-sleeping which is the norm. I’ve had problems sleeping for ages, but insomnia wasn’t really a good term for it since sometimes I sleep too much. And then I did research. Turns out over- and under-sleeping are both symptoms of depression. So that’s one question solved. But the thing is. See this interesting thing? It’s still depression.

Funny enough, depression is not this lovely little box term to describe hey sometimes I’m sad, whoop. There are a lot of other symptoms and a lot of other issues involved.

And hey, even if I don’t have depression (or if it’s not what’s causing my sleep issues) I still feel like this needs to be said:

I think we simultaneously pay too much and too little attention to mental disorders.

On the one side, people don’t pay enough attention, because many people with disorders are not medicated properly, or they aren’t taken care of properly. Sometimes someone with depression needs help, and sometimes they really just can’t function around people. If you don’t respect the person with the disorder enough to determine when they actually need social contact, and when they don’t, then you really shouldn’t be around them. Someone with depression or social anxiety? Sometimes social interaction is not the solution. Certainly don’t leave someone alone that needs help, but sometimes people need alone time.

Does this sound difficult to determine? It is. It really is. But this is your friend/family member/partner. It’s sort of your responsibility to at least make the attempt. And if you don’t want to put that much effort in, then walk off. If you don’t want to put that much effort in, you’re just hurting the person. Someone with a disorder needs helpful people, if you don’t think you can be that person, then don’t try to be. Sorry. You may want to help, but you’re just making it worse. It’s a lot of fucking work helping someone with a disorder, visible or not, that’s a fact of life. If you’re not up to it, that’s fine, not everyone is, but sticking around without knowing what you’re doing is only exacerbating the problem.

And on the other side: paying too much attention.

See here’s the thing. You don’t want to tell someone you have depression. Especially in my case where I’m not medically diagnosed but I probably have a small strain of it. To label myself as having depression may not be entirely accurate and could lead to a lot of judgement if it turns out that’s not the reason for my sleep issues. Certainly I have bad days that are also likely a symptom, but the sleep thing? Could be something as simple as a vitamin deficiency. Or possibly anemia. Who the hell knows (and that’s why I’m making an appointment for bloodwork). But either way, telling someone you have/think you have depression? Usually doesn’t end well. And here’s the reason why.

The second you tell someone you have depression, or any sort of mental disorder. They start treating you differently. All of a sudden everything you do is because of this disorder. Are you angry? Depression. Are you sad? Depression.

And this is really fucking annoying.

All right, related example? I’m a woman. Do you know how annoying it is every time I get frustrated for someone to assume I’m on my period? That’s really not a woman’s only reason for being emotional. I’m allowed to be emotional and not be on my period. And it’s the same with mental disorders.

I’m sorry but just because a person has a mental disorder doesn’t mean that’s the reasoning for every. fucking. thing. they. do.

Sometimes you have good days. Sometimes you have bad days. And sometimes this has nothing to do with your fucking depression. Sometimes you wake up late, burn your toast, and your car won’t start. This has nothing to do with a mental disorder. You’ve just had a bad fucking day. Everyone has them.

The second you tell someone you have a mental disorder, you are no longer a whole, complete person. You are a fragment. Everything about you is held together by your disorder and everything you do is defined by your disorder. You become your disorder.

And this is fucking bullshit.

Whether I have a disorder or not is yet to be determined, but it pisses me off to see other people with disorders where every emotional reaction they have is analyzed by their disorder. People are allowed to be sad or angry without it having to do with their disorder. Human beings are capable of an absolutely beautiful eclectic series of emotions and expressing them shouldn’t be a bad thing.

And in the same turn, sometimes you can be sad for no reason. As much as it’s an odd thought, sometimes someone is sad for no reason. They could have gotten a puppy, got a new partner, won a gift basket, what-have-you, and they’ll still be sad. That happens too.

Like I said, it’s confusing as fuck, and I’m sorry. But it’s confusing for the person too. And if you can’t handle that, then stay away. But don’t avoid someone outright just because they have a disorder.

Ugh, so basically, a person is not their disorder wholeheartedly, but it is still a part of them. People with disorders can be confusing, and dual-minded, and happy/sad/angry/confused, and this could all switch in a moment. And it sucks. But that’s life. And it’s especially their life. Not yours. And your judgement doesn’t help. Either try to be that positive/helpful person in their life, or don’t be a person in their life. If you only want to be around someone when they’re happy, then you’re not a very good friend.

People are sad sometimes, angry sometimes, and happy sometimes. To be happy all the time isn’t normal, certainly more happy than not is ideal, but if you don’t want to be friends with someone just because they’re sad? That’s not fair. But it’s probably for the best. It’s better for the person if you just leave.

I admit it’s hard to help someone with a disorder. If you don’t think you can handle them, you probably can’t. And sticking around doesn’t help anyone. But don’t decide to stay around when you want to, when the person is ‘normal’, because that isn’t fair. It’s not helpful to tell someone ‘you have a disorder and that’s why I’m avoiding you’. You’ve chosen to be around this person. This means you’ve chosen to stay with them. With all of them. The day you can’t handle it? It’s better in the long run for everyone involved if you just walk off.

Sounds mean, sounds bitchy, but it’s true. You don’t help anyone by not accepting everything they are.