So I was reading this article and felt the need to comment as I'm prone to do.
Okay so while I understand the general gist behind this article and approve of a fair bit, I have some serious issues with some of the points made.
The points I agree with:
1. They take a stand not because they think they are always right… but because they are not afraid to be wrong.
I like this. People that are positively confident are not afraid to speak out and be proven wrong sometimes. Learning experiences ftw!
4. They freely ask for help.
Ask for help. Yes. Please. Always. It is not a bad thing to ask for help. And even if you know how to do a job, doesn't mean someone else hasn't figured out a more efficient way. Or you might just save some time and make a new friend by asking around. Help is not a crutch. Getting help is not a weakness.
5. They think, “Why not me?”
To be promoted or discovered or get what you want in life you have to work your butt off and promote yourself. Get out there and be positive, and don't wait around for the magic moment. Make it.
6. They don't put down other people.
Gossip kills. It really does. It's painful to others and if you're not enough of a good person to care about that, then consider this: it makes you look bad too. If you're constantly bad-mouthing people it doesn't make you very liked. Maybe you don't have to be liked in your life, but not being seen as a berk has it's benefits.
7. They aren’t afraid to look silly…
Don't be afraid to look silly. I've had the most fun in my life doing utterly ridiculous things. If you're in a flash mob, dance like a crazy person, if you're helping with a charity, wear funny face paint, smile for people, look like a fool. People appreciate someone that can enjoy life. Well, most people. And acting silly can be fun. Don't be afraid to do silly things. Stick your tongue out in photos, it'll make good memories later. Laughter is a wonderful thing.
8. … And they own their mistakes.
Admit when you're wrong. Goodness yes. We don't learn without mistakes. And we don't make mistakes without trying. So don't be afraid to try things and fuck up. You'll know better next time (hopefully). Take every embarrassing, horrible moment in your life and find the life-lesson within.
Admit you're wrong and you're admitting you're ignorant. You lack knowledge. And there is someone there to help you. You can be informed and next time not be wrong. Don't choose to be consistently wrong to save face. It's far more terrible to know you're wrong and continue in error, then take five minutes of embarrassment and learn something new.
9. They only seek approval from the people who really matter.
Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those that mind don't matter. And those that matter don't mind. - Dr. Suess
Don't care what terrible people say. If they're right, then accept it and move on. But don't take every hateful reprimand from every low-lying jerk-off to heart. There is a reason for what you believe and what you say. If you aren't wrong, don't pretend like you are to have more friends. If you're wrong but they're still cruel, admit you're wrong and move on from that problem, and from them.
Don't keep people around that are hurtful. They aren't worth your time and you can't please everybody.
The points I disagree with:
2. They listen ten times more than they speak.
Confident people are quiet and unassuming?
I'm sorry I have a problem with this. Certainly you should always make a point to listen to people, but exactly when did it become an issue to be communicative? Why in the ever living fuck do I have to be quiet to be confident? Am I any less a positive confident person by talking a lot? Why am I not allowed to share experiences? I don't think I should be taking over a conversation but why the hell can't it be equal? Why do I have to listen more than I speak? Why can't speaking and listening be on the same level? I don't believe talking is a bad thing.
Why, to be confident, am I not allowed to be communicative? Or at the very least have to stifle my communication. No I don't think everything I say is important, but neither is everything that other people say and I should be allowed the time to say profound things as well as stupid things.
At the same time, yes, I should listen to people, but I should have the sense of peace knowing they will do the same for me.
3. They duck the spotlight so it shines on others.
Do the bulk of the work, overcome the obstacles, but let other people take the credit is what I'm hearing.
I'm not a fucking doormat.
Fuck you no. I am not any less confident for expecting fucking credit for my work. I am proud of my accomplishments and I don't need other's approval, but so help me fucking god if I pulled my weight I deserve equal fucking credit.
Do you have any idea what you accomplish when you never take credit for the sweat, blood, and tears you pore into a work? Nothing. I know this from experience. Hell, even if you do get credit sometimes other mitigating factors (queer, woman) fuck you over. But I still deserve the respect to be appreciated by my peers.
I'm not saying to not let others have their moment of glory. If they deserve it beautiful. But, and here's the thing, you deserve it too. If you worked on a group project, stand there proudly with your group. Don't lurk in the shadows content with being unseen. You did the work, you're allowed to take fucking credit for it.
5. Very quietly, without calling attention to themselves, they go out and do it.
Umm excuse me but isn't this contradictory? You legitimatedly cannot build a business or promote yourself quietly. It doesn't work that way. If you want to connect with people and attract funding you have to put yourself out there. Saying to take advantage of social media and contact people, but in the same time saying to do it without calling attention on your needs? Is pretty contradictory.
So it's about half and half my pros and cons on this list. But my cons are pretty important to me.
I don't have to be quiet to be positively confident. I don't have to let others take credit for my work. I don't have to hide in the shadows.
The rest however, is still decent advice.
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