Relationships and Cakes (and Not Cakes)

So in thinking about relationships, I’ve realized the problem some people have:

They’re thinking about relationships like a recipe.

See to them, there’s this sense of success with a relationship. There’s a checklist. If you have A and then you get B and finally hit C boom, you have a successful relationship.

So what they’re doing is spending their lives accumulating the perfect ingredients and at the end of it, finally, they will have a perfect cake.

And it’s only their cake that is perfect.

And that’s the problem.

What if I want to use almond milk? What about egg substitute? Chocolate instead of vanilla?

Well then to them it’s not a proper cake. It’s not a worthwhile cake. It’s less somehow.

And that’s the problem.

My cake is no less of a cake for not having used your recipe. My cake is still a perfectly serviceable cake. And to me, maybe I like my recipe better. I’m not saying your cake is bad, but I have my own recipe and it’s tried and true and perfected. Or maybe it isn’t, but I can experiment right? It’s my bloody cake, you’re not eating it anyway, so get out of my kitchen.

And maybe I’ve only got a couple ingredients and I make a smaller cake, it’s not any less tasty than yours. Maybe I don’t want to wait as long for cake. I have enough to make a small cake and I’ll take that small cake now, thank you. Instead of waiting around until I have all the right stuff for a bigger “proper” cake. Maybe I won’t get the chance to have that bigger “proper” cake. Maybe this little cake is all I’ll get, so I’ll enjoy it now while I have the time.

And maybe I don’t want cake! Maybe I want cupcakes! Maybe I like cupcakes better because there are more of them and they can be individualized! Maybe I want one cupcake with chocolate icing right now, but I might want buttercream icing later. And what if I’m just not a cake person? Maybe I want brownies!

And that’s how I see relationships. Not everyone wants your cake. Not everyone is coveting your cake. Your cake is not the perfect cake. It might be perfect for you, but not for me.

Maybe I have my own recipe. Maybe I want cupcakes. Maybe I want brownies.

Maybe I don’t even like sweets.

It doesn’t matter.

It’s my goddamn kitchen.

Stay out of my kitchen.

And stay out of my relationship(s).