I haven't posted in far too long, so I'm basically posting the strange little stories that come to me when I'm half-asleep/half-awake. These are all saved under 'Introspection' but I felt maybe I should've given them titles? At least something to break them up. But titles weren't really appropriate for all of them, so...
Also, I don't pretend to be an English major. So I don't expect this to make sense in the way of poetry writing, or in the way of actual storyline. If some don't make sense, well, they're part poetry, they're not *supposed* to.
I have dreams sometimes
Dreams where my words flow like rivers and meld like melted chocolate
Dreams where what I want to say, need to say, have to say, are said and are said in such perfect prose that the world kneels in awe at my collaboration of consonants
Vowels may exist, they may not
Egyptians didn't need them after all, and they live forever through history
Words float and drift like prismic bubbles and they never ever pop, each one perfect and necessary and *there*
Each reaches the ears of the masses and passes through the brain and melts on the tongue like crystallized honey
Every single syllable a medley of textures, of harmony and of flavour so beautiful the world weeps
Salty tang of tears that feed my muse and sometimes turn my words to sorrow, unending, yet still...
Everything
My words are perfect, flawless, unending and *there*, no stuttering or stammering, no sharp halts of dissonant screeching like freight trains crashing in the night
No real life
Just sheer utter perfection
I have dreams sometimes
I stand in a river, rocks under my feet, molecules between my toes
Phosphorescent moonlight spills sparkling rays upon me,
I am made a backdrop on the water
For moments I am an inverted angel, archangel, nothing but shadows
Surrounded by light. The only connection to it and me the ripples that merge us two for brief moments
I stand on a mountain, higher than the highest heights and I wonder if I fall, should nothing break my fall, will I reach the ground?
Splatter into individual molecules, or will velocity and resistance simply
Vaporize me?
I stand in a golden field and am reminded of you
Bright hair, shining of sunlight molecules and starlight gleaming
Long as unending oceans, eyes as dark and giving as the soil beneath my feet
You are beauty and you are perfect
And you are my first stirring of love between two young girls
Though many years before a recognition of what it was; never admitted to you of course
I do not presume to presume, but I do fervently believe of feelings unmutualized
My fingers thread through honeysuckle dew and wheat
Remind me of early happier times of childhood play where my fingers ran through your hair instead
Simple silly messy braids of my making
But I would continue all day if I could have
Start, stop, undo, begin anew, brushing every snarl and tangle created by my hands
I never could touch your perfection and not spoil it
But could not help myself either
For again and again I begged to touch, to tease, to love
There is no shame till years and wisdom and others shame
Created my own complex feelings of terror
Emotional overload unexperienced before
That swamps the simple unhindered childish love and bogs it in despair and restraint
I long for that childhood
That time of innocence
But we've aged, boundaries upon boundaries between us
Still terror, still fervently belived unmutualism
I will never admit, never confess
My childhood friend lost through time
Lost sooner if in confession
So silence
Silence
To give me time to revel
Now time to deny
No possibilities
No hope
In my dreams, I find you again, you and courage unknown,
And for hazy sunlit perfect moments, I run fingers through honeysuckle-shining wheat
And drown in kind soil and am content
If only. If only.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Regrets and Beliefs
I find myself with regrets on a fairly frequent basis. I'm sure most people do. However, I would like to state something.
If you truly believe what you say, don't regret saying it.
If you truly believe what you've done is right, don't regret doing it.
If you truly, honestly and whole-heartedly believe in something and then later discover new information, something that makes you think differently, something that makes you change your mind. Guess what? You're allowed.
Don't regret changing your mind. Everyone does.
Don't regret saying you'll do something and then later discover you don't have the time. Everyone is busy.
Don't regret speaking your mind. Even if it leads to an argument, it means that you're making people think about their feelings.
Accept that sometimes you will never be able to change someone's mind. People will not always hear you and the lightbulb will not always flick on.
Accept that people will not always say "I understand now! And I accept your opinion."
Accept that people will not always accept your opinion.
Accept that you will not always accept someone else's opinion. However, try to do so.
If someone will not accept you, then let them go. No matter how good a friend is, they aren't worth the effort if they won't take you as you are.
If someone makes you feel bad about yourself for your opinion, let them go. Not everyone is as good a person as you think they are.
Accept that people are different. Due to beliefs, opinions, preconceived notions, past history, whatever... No one will ever think the same way as you do and therefore will never completely understand you unless they've experienced the same things you have. Sometimes, they will have experienced these things, but handled them differently. It happens. Everyone deals with things differently.
Accept that someone will know what you're talking about but still might not understand.
Accept that people may dislike you or even hate you for who you are. You can't change the world. You can try your damndest but there will likely always be someone who believes you aren't good enough.
Believe you're good enough.
Believe in yourself. Always. Don't doubt yourself. Or doubt, but do so knowing that this doubt is because of a new insight, or a different opinion, not just because someone says "you're wrong".
When the world says your wrong, sometimes they instead, will be wrong.
Accept that sometime you will be wrong. Though don't regret being wrong. People are wrong all the time. If you believe something and someone says you're wrong and proves it? Then accept this and move on.
Fight for what you believe in but accept defeat graciously.
Accept yourself. Believe in yourself. Accept *and* believe in yourself. You are your own special unique self. Don't change because someone tells you too. Change because change means growth.
Accept that all these things are a helluva lot easier said than done.
Not everyone will believe in you. Some will belittle you because you are different. Revel in this difference and *believe in yourself*.
You know yourself the best after all. Who better to accept all of you then the one who knows you best?
*Believe in yourself*!
And try your absolute best not to regret.
...Accept sometimes that you will regret but still try. You'd be surprised what you can do if you will only try.
Listening to: 'Confidence' - Elvis
If you truly believe what you say, don't regret saying it.
If you truly believe what you've done is right, don't regret doing it.
If you truly, honestly and whole-heartedly believe in something and then later discover new information, something that makes you think differently, something that makes you change your mind. Guess what? You're allowed.
Don't regret changing your mind. Everyone does.
Don't regret saying you'll do something and then later discover you don't have the time. Everyone is busy.
Don't regret speaking your mind. Even if it leads to an argument, it means that you're making people think about their feelings.
Accept that sometimes you will never be able to change someone's mind. People will not always hear you and the lightbulb will not always flick on.
Accept that people will not always say "I understand now! And I accept your opinion."
Accept that people will not always accept your opinion.
Accept that you will not always accept someone else's opinion. However, try to do so.
If someone will not accept you, then let them go. No matter how good a friend is, they aren't worth the effort if they won't take you as you are.
If someone makes you feel bad about yourself for your opinion, let them go. Not everyone is as good a person as you think they are.
Accept that people are different. Due to beliefs, opinions, preconceived notions, past history, whatever... No one will ever think the same way as you do and therefore will never completely understand you unless they've experienced the same things you have. Sometimes, they will have experienced these things, but handled them differently. It happens. Everyone deals with things differently.
Accept that someone will know what you're talking about but still might not understand.
Accept that people may dislike you or even hate you for who you are. You can't change the world. You can try your damndest but there will likely always be someone who believes you aren't good enough.
Believe you're good enough.
Believe in yourself. Always. Don't doubt yourself. Or doubt, but do so knowing that this doubt is because of a new insight, or a different opinion, not just because someone says "you're wrong".
When the world says your wrong, sometimes they instead, will be wrong.
Accept that sometime you will be wrong. Though don't regret being wrong. People are wrong all the time. If you believe something and someone says you're wrong and proves it? Then accept this and move on.
Fight for what you believe in but accept defeat graciously.
Accept yourself. Believe in yourself. Accept *and* believe in yourself. You are your own special unique self. Don't change because someone tells you too. Change because change means growth.
Accept that all these things are a helluva lot easier said than done.
Not everyone will believe in you. Some will belittle you because you are different. Revel in this difference and *believe in yourself*.
You know yourself the best after all. Who better to accept all of you then the one who knows you best?
*Believe in yourself*!
And try your absolute best not to regret.
...Accept sometimes that you will regret but still try. You'd be surprised what you can do if you will only try.
Listening to: 'Confidence' - Elvis
Being Poor (Or Not, But It Doesn't Matter Anyways)
So a friend of mine linked this on her facebook: Being Poor And it got me thinking, I'm pretty damn lucky.
Not that I'm not already aware of this, but a reminder is always a good thing. So let me elaborate:
People in this article were commenting some of their own experiences with being poor, my friend being one of them.
Now I have to admit, I don't think I've ever been truly poor, but it got me thinking, and I have a few additions, even if they aren't nearly as bad as some others.
Being not-quite-so-poor is hoping you can find a plastic bag in your house so that when you go to the food bank, you don't have to use the paper ones and have your friends tell you "You don't need to use the food bank! It's for people that need it! You have a job. You use the food bank? Why?" yet again and making you feel ashamed and embarrassed, like you're taking food from other people's mouths that must be more needy than you.
Though I will admit: Being not-quite-so-poor is a friend who maxes her credit card on things she doesn't need and then says you have so much money just because you were able to get groceries.
The problem with just skimming the edge of poor is that people make you feel horribly guilty when you use a service for the needy just so that maybe this month you can buy a decent set of shoes, or hairbrush, or just even some ice cream. Because then you feel as though, well, if I can afford to splurge on this I can't be that bad. Why am I still using the service? I'm stealing from other people! Even though you've eaten cheap pasta all this week.
So, if you're wondering why I still use a food bank? Here's my reason.
Being not-quite-so-poor is knowing you have money but feeling horrible any time you spend any of it, because you didn't have money before and now you owe your *step*father your entire residence fee. And wishing you could pay him back... You just can't now and it make you want to cry (scratch that, actually makes you cry) because he's one of the best things that's happened to your family and you can't find the words to thank him (you really can't), or the money to repay him (and knowing that even if you could find the money, he likely wouldn't accept it, seeing as he's already refused it once).
I knock absolutely no-one for being on OSAP, but you don't have to tell me how lucky I am that my family helps me. I'm well aware of this already. I'm not ungrateful. And sometimes it would be nice that those on OSAP would remember that my family's help has a limit, just like the government's. So maybe I have a bit of spare cash now, but I have it with the knowledge that my family sacrifices for me, I sacrifice for me.
Just because I'm not on OSAP doesn't mean I have any more (or less really) money than those that are. And this means that while I have money in my bank account, I will still use the food bank, because a few dollars saved here, will be more to give back later.
Also, you don't have to be on OSAP to use the food bank. For that matter, I owe you no explanation if I use the food bank and you have no right to say I shouldn't use it and make me feel guilty. I went through guilt-trips all of last year (and still do occasionally) for using a service that is meant to help me and make me feel better.
Maybe I have a job, maybe I don't. Maybe I have two jobs. Maybe more. It doesn't really matter. Because I've seen a few people on OSAP with the mindset of "I don't have to pay it back now so I can buy whatever I want". And I've also seen more than a few people who are well-aware that this is government money and that they have to pay it back. Anything I receive from my parents is the same.
Just because I'm not on OSAP and my family is helping me doesn't mean I don't understand what it is to look at your bank account, at how much you're spending, and put away the healthy food. Put back the good-quality meat and grab the cheaper not-so-good/okay/bad meat. Not buy fresh veggies and fruit because frozen is cheaper and just as good right now. To thank god your sister bought you a bicycle so that your hour and a half/two hours walks are now shortened exponentially (the time taken off dependent on how fast you peddle and how long before your lungs fill with phlegm because maybe you *could* afford a puffer or allergy meds, but no, you can't, you can't waste your money when you can do without so that you can pay them back).
Ignore the fact that I'm sure my mum would smack me if she knew I was skimping on things I could use (but I can live without, therefore I do). I can't do it. I can't spend money that I know I have if it means there's a little extra next time to help with the cost of school next year and they won't have to pay as much. I feel guilty.
I sometimes wish I had gone on OSAP. Loans and all, I believe the depletion of guilt might actually help.
So if you see someone you think is "so well off" carrying one of those large brown paper bags? The ones you know come from the food bank? Or carrying clothes not from Zellers in a Zellers bag (from salvation army)? Or just in general see someone buying something cheap? Don't judge. It's not up to you to decide how this person should live, you don't know how much (or how little) they have. The person you see out for dinner every couple of weeks may be eating ramen noodles (because kraft dinner is too expensive) every other night just so they can splurge on that meal (and then feel horribly guilty about it to the point where they stay up all night feeling sick for spending money on something so stupid as good food).
And if you are like me, on that fine line of well-off and poor? Don't ever, ever feel guilty for utilizing services meant for the poor. Everyone has their needs and if using the food bank means getting good shoes (that will last longer) this month? Then do it. Don't be ashamed to admit that you need a little help this month, this week, today. Don't let anyone ever tell you you don't need these services. You know exactly what you do and do not need. If you passed your midterms and decide to get bread at the food bank so you can get some ice cream today? Then that's okay.
Very often we forget, that just because we're a little better off than the next person, that we still need help sometimes too.
Not that I'm not already aware of this, but a reminder is always a good thing. So let me elaborate:
People in this article were commenting some of their own experiences with being poor, my friend being one of them.
Now I have to admit, I don't think I've ever been truly poor, but it got me thinking, and I have a few additions, even if they aren't nearly as bad as some others.
Being not-quite-so-poor is hoping you can find a plastic bag in your house so that when you go to the food bank, you don't have to use the paper ones and have your friends tell you "You don't need to use the food bank! It's for people that need it! You have a job. You use the food bank? Why?" yet again and making you feel ashamed and embarrassed, like you're taking food from other people's mouths that must be more needy than you.
Though I will admit: Being not-quite-so-poor is a friend who maxes her credit card on things she doesn't need and then says you have so much money just because you were able to get groceries.
The problem with just skimming the edge of poor is that people make you feel horribly guilty when you use a service for the needy just so that maybe this month you can buy a decent set of shoes, or hairbrush, or just even some ice cream. Because then you feel as though, well, if I can afford to splurge on this I can't be that bad. Why am I still using the service? I'm stealing from other people! Even though you've eaten cheap pasta all this week.
So, if you're wondering why I still use a food bank? Here's my reason.
Being not-quite-so-poor is knowing you have money but feeling horrible any time you spend any of it, because you didn't have money before and now you owe your *step*father your entire residence fee. And wishing you could pay him back... You just can't now and it make you want to cry (scratch that, actually makes you cry) because he's one of the best things that's happened to your family and you can't find the words to thank him (you really can't), or the money to repay him (and knowing that even if you could find the money, he likely wouldn't accept it, seeing as he's already refused it once).
I knock absolutely no-one for being on OSAP, but you don't have to tell me how lucky I am that my family helps me. I'm well aware of this already. I'm not ungrateful. And sometimes it would be nice that those on OSAP would remember that my family's help has a limit, just like the government's. So maybe I have a bit of spare cash now, but I have it with the knowledge that my family sacrifices for me, I sacrifice for me.
Just because I'm not on OSAP doesn't mean I have any more (or less really) money than those that are. And this means that while I have money in my bank account, I will still use the food bank, because a few dollars saved here, will be more to give back later.
Also, you don't have to be on OSAP to use the food bank. For that matter, I owe you no explanation if I use the food bank and you have no right to say I shouldn't use it and make me feel guilty. I went through guilt-trips all of last year (and still do occasionally) for using a service that is meant to help me and make me feel better.
Maybe I have a job, maybe I don't. Maybe I have two jobs. Maybe more. It doesn't really matter. Because I've seen a few people on OSAP with the mindset of "I don't have to pay it back now so I can buy whatever I want". And I've also seen more than a few people who are well-aware that this is government money and that they have to pay it back. Anything I receive from my parents is the same.
Just because I'm not on OSAP and my family is helping me doesn't mean I don't understand what it is to look at your bank account, at how much you're spending, and put away the healthy food. Put back the good-quality meat and grab the cheaper not-so-good/okay/bad meat. Not buy fresh veggies and fruit because frozen is cheaper and just as good right now. To thank god your sister bought you a bicycle so that your hour and a half/two hours walks are now shortened exponentially (the time taken off dependent on how fast you peddle and how long before your lungs fill with phlegm because maybe you *could* afford a puffer or allergy meds, but no, you can't, you can't waste your money when you can do without so that you can pay them back).
Ignore the fact that I'm sure my mum would smack me if she knew I was skimping on things I could use (but I can live without, therefore I do). I can't do it. I can't spend money that I know I have if it means there's a little extra next time to help with the cost of school next year and they won't have to pay as much. I feel guilty.
I sometimes wish I had gone on OSAP. Loans and all, I believe the depletion of guilt might actually help.
So if you see someone you think is "so well off" carrying one of those large brown paper bags? The ones you know come from the food bank? Or carrying clothes not from Zellers in a Zellers bag (from salvation army)? Or just in general see someone buying something cheap? Don't judge. It's not up to you to decide how this person should live, you don't know how much (or how little) they have. The person you see out for dinner every couple of weeks may be eating ramen noodles (because kraft dinner is too expensive) every other night just so they can splurge on that meal (and then feel horribly guilty about it to the point where they stay up all night feeling sick for spending money on something so stupid as good food).
And if you are like me, on that fine line of well-off and poor? Don't ever, ever feel guilty for utilizing services meant for the poor. Everyone has their needs and if using the food bank means getting good shoes (that will last longer) this month? Then do it. Don't be ashamed to admit that you need a little help this month, this week, today. Don't let anyone ever tell you you don't need these services. You know exactly what you do and do not need. If you passed your midterms and decide to get bread at the food bank so you can get some ice cream today? Then that's okay.
Very often we forget, that just because we're a little better off than the next person, that we still need help sometimes too.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Something I've Realized:
In our society full of freaking everything; out of every commercial or advertisement that promises a dependable, flawless product, the most reliable thing I will likely ever own? Is tweezers.
I've had mine for years, they have always done their job and the chances of them breaking in the near or even far-distant future is even *less* than slim-to-nil chances.
Is it odd that the most reliable thing in my life is tweezers? Not really. Everything you buy nowadays, you buy with the presumption that it will be broken sometime in the near future. Maybe a few days, a few weeks, months, years, but eventually, you expect it to break. However, when was the last time you broke a set of tweezers?
I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm sure it does, but short of doing it intentionally, I have never heard of someone breaking a set of tweezers.
Strange how in this world, the most unbreakable thing I can think of are tweezers.
Odd thought: Why are they called a set or pair of tweezers? Same with scissors. Or pants. Generally, something that comes in pairs can be used separately, but none of these can (well, maybe you can still use the scissors to cut stuff, but it'd be pretty damn inconvenient).
Listening to: 'Santa Claus No Sora' - Aria the Animation
I've never watched this show but the song is damn pretty.
I've had mine for years, they have always done their job and the chances of them breaking in the near or even far-distant future is even *less* than slim-to-nil chances.
Is it odd that the most reliable thing in my life is tweezers? Not really. Everything you buy nowadays, you buy with the presumption that it will be broken sometime in the near future. Maybe a few days, a few weeks, months, years, but eventually, you expect it to break. However, when was the last time you broke a set of tweezers?
I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm sure it does, but short of doing it intentionally, I have never heard of someone breaking a set of tweezers.
Strange how in this world, the most unbreakable thing I can think of are tweezers.
Odd thought: Why are they called a set or pair of tweezers? Same with scissors. Or pants. Generally, something that comes in pairs can be used separately, but none of these can (well, maybe you can still use the scissors to cut stuff, but it'd be pretty damn inconvenient).
Listening to: 'Santa Claus No Sora' - Aria the Animation
I've never watched this show but the song is damn pretty.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Falling In Fall
Falling in Fall
Sweet sacchrine Kisses
Like spun Sugar
Like spiders Webs
Of glistening Silk
Glitters in the Morning
Love shines like a Firefly Flickering
Falling in Fall
Sweet sacchrine Kisses
Like spun Sugar
Like spiders Webs
Of glistening Silk
Glitters in the Morning
Love shines like a Firefly Flickering
Falling in Fall
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Stuff That Bugs Me
People who use "gay" as an insult. I'm sorry, someone explain me how my state of sexual needs is insulting?
"He was being so gay yesterday." "That's just gay."
I don't care if you don't mean it that way. I don't care if you support LGBT. I don't care if you don't think about it. I don't care if it doesn't mean anything to you. Because if you're saying it then guess what?
You DO mean it that way. You DON'T support LGBT. And even if you don't think about it and it doesn't mean anything to you? It means something to me. Me and every other LGBT person in society who's ever been mocked or teased for being gay. Or heard other people being teased. There's enough fear in coming out without the word "gay" already being used as an insult. It's an utterly fucking terrifying experience to come out without you saying "god you're so gay" while inwardly we cry out "yes, yes we are".
Fucking think about what you say before you say it. Gay is NOT an insult. Would you say "that's so black"? "That's so Indian"? Being gay is a state of being, it's who we are and we cannot change this just like a black person cannot change themselves being black. Or a French person can't change being French. I would also like to state I don't like the term "frog" either.
In general, I don't like name-calling. No-one is stupid or retarded - and there's another word, retarded, stop using it as an insult. Actually mentally-retarded people can be some of the nicest people you'll ever meet and using their state of being as an insult is... well, insulting. No one is gay.
Wait, yes, yes people are. People are retarded, people are black, people are French, people are Indian, people are gay. We exist. Please stop using our state of being for your insults.
And please stop being offended when I tell you to stop! I shouldn't have to feel nervous or insecure every time someone says "that's gay" and I say "can you please not use that word?". I shouldn't have to, because you shouldn't be using that term in that way in the first place. Don't get on my case saying how you didn't mean it that way and to lighten up. I can't lighten up. Not about this. Because every time I hear someone say "that's gay" and mean it as an insult? It's kills another little part of me. It hurts to know that who I am is a source of mockery and amusing to some people.
Who are you? What is your background? And do you appreciate when people use racial slurs?
I don't. What I would appreciate is you stopping it.
"He was being so gay yesterday." "That's just gay."
I don't care if you don't mean it that way. I don't care if you support LGBT. I don't care if you don't think about it. I don't care if it doesn't mean anything to you. Because if you're saying it then guess what?
You DO mean it that way. You DON'T support LGBT. And even if you don't think about it and it doesn't mean anything to you? It means something to me. Me and every other LGBT person in society who's ever been mocked or teased for being gay. Or heard other people being teased. There's enough fear in coming out without the word "gay" already being used as an insult. It's an utterly fucking terrifying experience to come out without you saying "god you're so gay" while inwardly we cry out "yes, yes we are".
Fucking think about what you say before you say it. Gay is NOT an insult. Would you say "that's so black"? "That's so Indian"? Being gay is a state of being, it's who we are and we cannot change this just like a black person cannot change themselves being black. Or a French person can't change being French. I would also like to state I don't like the term "frog" either.
In general, I don't like name-calling. No-one is stupid or retarded - and there's another word, retarded, stop using it as an insult. Actually mentally-retarded people can be some of the nicest people you'll ever meet and using their state of being as an insult is... well, insulting. No one is gay.
Wait, yes, yes people are. People are retarded, people are black, people are French, people are Indian, people are gay. We exist. Please stop using our state of being for your insults.
And please stop being offended when I tell you to stop! I shouldn't have to feel nervous or insecure every time someone says "that's gay" and I say "can you please not use that word?". I shouldn't have to, because you shouldn't be using that term in that way in the first place. Don't get on my case saying how you didn't mean it that way and to lighten up. I can't lighten up. Not about this. Because every time I hear someone say "that's gay" and mean it as an insult? It's kills another little part of me. It hurts to know that who I am is a source of mockery and amusing to some people.
Who are you? What is your background? And do you appreciate when people use racial slurs?
I don't. What I would appreciate is you stopping it.
The Rumour Mill
I love my friends, hence I love Facebook. I love being interconnected with people in society. Though I have to say one of the things I love the most is what my friends post. I have two friends that post links to sites, articles and blogs and it's fantastic.
Today though was a rather "hit-it-where-it-hurts" kind of day for linking: 2 Rutgers Freshman Charges For Secretly Making Sex Tape of Another Student, Who Then Committed Suicide
Listening to the news cast doesn't give you much to go on. There's a lot of supposition and uncertainty, mainly because the family doesn't comment (which considering they just lost a family member isn't surprising). Looking up some other articles leads to more definite findings. LGBT Rutgers Freshman Kills Self After Classmates Use Hidden Camera To Watch His Sexual Activity
So, I don't use Twitter but I do use Facebook a lot. As previously stated I love being interconnected with people, though it does have it's downsides. Say I go to a party, at said party I dance with someone, or kiss them. Someone takes a photo. They post it on Facebook. I now have fifty people asking if I have a boy/girlfriend now. There's a serious lack of privacy these days.
"Roommate asked for the room till midnight, I went into Molly's room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay."
I'm sorry, did he tweet that he turned on his webcam and watched his roommate? Excuse me? Where the hell does this kid get off thinking that he can spy on his roommate (or anyone for that matter) with a webcam? And it gets worse. "The pair used the hidden dorm room camera to stream their fellow student's sex session, officials said." So not only were they watching, they were streaming it. This person privacy was invaded, not just by his roommates, but by hundreds of other people. Sit for a minute and think about how you would feel if you and your significant other were making out or having sex and somewhere, other people were watching all of it: friends, enemies, peers. Then imagine going to school the next day.
Another reason I love my friends is we actually talk about these things. It's not just someone mentions it because they want to look well-informed and like they care. We'll argue and firmly state our ideas. I find myself wrong a lot, which I will admit bothers me but it does mean I come out of the conversation a more-enlightened person.
Today's conversation was mostly just us reeling in disbelief at society. One of my friends mentioned "if there's been an increase in suicides or if it's just being reported more now that bullying is being made more of an issue in the media".
I personally think the increasing reports of suicides might be just because it's a new year. People who are different, who are new to the school or just getting into high school, will find the bullying to be harder when school's just starting. It may not even be any worse, but after a summer of freedom going back to the same horrible monotonous routine is rough.
I'm not speaking from anything other than personal experience, but bullying always seems worse the first few weeks of school (even if it's not) and then it settles down (re: you get used to it). So for those few weeks it's harder than usual to remind yourself to keep going. So there's more suicides around the start of school just as there's more suicides near major holidays.
Though I will say it may very well be that the media is considering bullying more of an issue. Media has been getting pretty good about that.
My friend also mentions that he "really [hates] the "It Gets Better" campaign. It really feels like they're saying "Bullying happens, deal with it" in a nicer way. I understand that the spirit behind it is supposed to be a positive one, to try to give kids going through it some motivation, but it really feels like they're accepting it as something that isn't going to change".
And I have to agree with him on this point. I'm not a big fan of the "It Gets Better" campaign either. It Gets Better: Dan and Terry. While I don't disagree that it does get better, no kid should have to be told to live with bullying until you get older. The main idea is that while public school and high school is tough, the kids should learn to live with it.
That I don't agree with. No child should be told to live with it. No child should be told that being harassed, that being hit and hurt with fists and words is a daily thing and they should get used to it.
Would you tell a child being abused by a family member or friend to "tough it out"? No. So why is bullying different? And why does it seem to be specifically gay bullying? Because I remember public school and I remember being told bullying was wrong. That was it. Bullying is wrong. It's not gender/sexual-specific people. It's not right for people to expect anyone to live with bullying, it's not right for anyone to *be* bullied.
There are consequences. Yes, this does happen. The one stray comment you make about a friend "oh he was acting so gay" could lead to a loss of life later on. An extreme theory? Maybe. Apparently not though. Go on google and look up how many people, children, teenagers and adults alike, kill themselves for being bullied. Not just homosexual bullying, just bullying. I will bet you it all started from one stupid stray comment.
A woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbour.
Within a few days the whole community knew the story. The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended. Later, the woman responsible for spreading the rumour learned that it was completely untrue. She was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.
"Go to the marketplace," he said, "Purchase a bag of feathers". Then on your way home, drop them one by one along the road." Although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.
The next day the wise man said, "Now, go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me."
The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay the wind had blown all the feathers away. After searching for hours, she returned with only three feathers in her hand.
"You see," said the old sage, "It's easy to drop them, but it is impossible to get them back.
So it is with gossip.
It doesn't take much to spread a rumour, but once you do you can never completely undo the wrong.
Today though was a rather "hit-it-where-it-hurts" kind of day for linking: 2 Rutgers Freshman Charges For Secretly Making Sex Tape of Another Student, Who Then Committed Suicide
Listening to the news cast doesn't give you much to go on. There's a lot of supposition and uncertainty, mainly because the family doesn't comment (which considering they just lost a family member isn't surprising). Looking up some other articles leads to more definite findings. LGBT Rutgers Freshman Kills Self After Classmates Use Hidden Camera To Watch His Sexual Activity
So, I don't use Twitter but I do use Facebook a lot. As previously stated I love being interconnected with people, though it does have it's downsides. Say I go to a party, at said party I dance with someone, or kiss them. Someone takes a photo. They post it on Facebook. I now have fifty people asking if I have a boy/girlfriend now. There's a serious lack of privacy these days.
"Roommate asked for the room till midnight, I went into Molly's room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay."
I'm sorry, did he tweet that he turned on his webcam and watched his roommate? Excuse me? Where the hell does this kid get off thinking that he can spy on his roommate (or anyone for that matter) with a webcam? And it gets worse. "The pair used the hidden dorm room camera to stream their fellow student's sex session, officials said." So not only were they watching, they were streaming it. This person privacy was invaded, not just by his roommates, but by hundreds of other people. Sit for a minute and think about how you would feel if you and your significant other were making out or having sex and somewhere, other people were watching all of it: friends, enemies, peers. Then imagine going to school the next day.
Another reason I love my friends is we actually talk about these things. It's not just someone mentions it because they want to look well-informed and like they care. We'll argue and firmly state our ideas. I find myself wrong a lot, which I will admit bothers me but it does mean I come out of the conversation a more-enlightened person.
Today's conversation was mostly just us reeling in disbelief at society. One of my friends mentioned "if there's been an increase in suicides or if it's just being reported more now that bullying is being made more of an issue in the media".
I personally think the increasing reports of suicides might be just because it's a new year. People who are different, who are new to the school or just getting into high school, will find the bullying to be harder when school's just starting. It may not even be any worse, but after a summer of freedom going back to the same horrible monotonous routine is rough.
I'm not speaking from anything other than personal experience, but bullying always seems worse the first few weeks of school (even if it's not) and then it settles down (re: you get used to it). So for those few weeks it's harder than usual to remind yourself to keep going. So there's more suicides around the start of school just as there's more suicides near major holidays.
Though I will say it may very well be that the media is considering bullying more of an issue. Media has been getting pretty good about that.
My friend also mentions that he "really [hates] the "It Gets Better" campaign. It really feels like they're saying "Bullying happens, deal with it" in a nicer way. I understand that the spirit behind it is supposed to be a positive one, to try to give kids going through it some motivation, but it really feels like they're accepting it as something that isn't going to change".
And I have to agree with him on this point. I'm not a big fan of the "It Gets Better" campaign either. It Gets Better: Dan and Terry. While I don't disagree that it does get better, no kid should have to be told to live with bullying until you get older. The main idea is that while public school and high school is tough, the kids should learn to live with it.
That I don't agree with. No child should be told to live with it. No child should be told that being harassed, that being hit and hurt with fists and words is a daily thing and they should get used to it.
Would you tell a child being abused by a family member or friend to "tough it out"? No. So why is bullying different? And why does it seem to be specifically gay bullying? Because I remember public school and I remember being told bullying was wrong. That was it. Bullying is wrong. It's not gender/sexual-specific people. It's not right for people to expect anyone to live with bullying, it's not right for anyone to *be* bullied.
There are consequences. Yes, this does happen. The one stray comment you make about a friend "oh he was acting so gay" could lead to a loss of life later on. An extreme theory? Maybe. Apparently not though. Go on google and look up how many people, children, teenagers and adults alike, kill themselves for being bullied. Not just homosexual bullying, just bullying. I will bet you it all started from one stupid stray comment.
A woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbour.
Within a few days the whole community knew the story. The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended. Later, the woman responsible for spreading the rumour learned that it was completely untrue. She was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.
"Go to the marketplace," he said, "Purchase a bag of feathers". Then on your way home, drop them one by one along the road." Although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.
The next day the wise man said, "Now, go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me."
The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay the wind had blown all the feathers away. After searching for hours, she returned with only three feathers in her hand.
"You see," said the old sage, "It's easy to drop them, but it is impossible to get them back.
So it is with gossip.
It doesn't take much to spread a rumour, but once you do you can never completely undo the wrong.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Quotes That Define Me
"Do you know what you're talking about?"
"Probably not, but before I say it it makes sense in my head. It's not my problem that words go a bit bonks as they come out of my mouth."
"He really did need to work on making his inner voice a truly inner voice and not a '90% of the time outer voice by mistake' inner voice."
"Probably not, but before I say it it makes sense in my head. It's not my problem that words go a bit bonks as they come out of my mouth."
"He really did need to work on making his inner voice a truly inner voice and not a '90% of the time outer voice by mistake' inner voice."
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Because I Can
If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops?
Oh what a rain that would be.
Standing outside with my mouth open wide.
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh.
If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops?
Oh what a rain that would be.
If all the snowflakes were candy bars and milkshakes?
Oh what a snow that would be.
Standing outside with my mouth open wide.
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh.
If all the snowflakes were candy bars and milkshakes?
Oh what a snow that would be.
If all the sun beams were bubble gum and ice cream?
Oh what a sun that would be.
Standing outside with my mouth open wide.
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh.
If all the sun beams were bubble gum and ice cream?
Oh what a sun that would be.
Oh what a rain that would be.
Standing outside with my mouth open wide.
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh.
If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops?
Oh what a rain that would be.
If all the snowflakes were candy bars and milkshakes?
Oh what a snow that would be.
Standing outside with my mouth open wide.
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh.
If all the snowflakes were candy bars and milkshakes?
Oh what a snow that would be.
If all the sun beams were bubble gum and ice cream?
Oh what a sun that would be.
Standing outside with my mouth open wide.
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh.
If all the sun beams were bubble gum and ice cream?
Oh what a sun that would be.
Interesting Thought
I'm agnostic. However I still say "thank god". I wonder if I'm still supposed to. Are there rules for this? And if so, what else is there that I could say? There's "thank all that is holy" but I don't think that would be right either. Agnostic: I believe something's there, something giving and taking, but we don't know what it is (for all I know it's a piece of lint, or perhaps mice [42]).
I suppose "thank goodness". This however, leaves me feeling as though I'm Dorothy from WoO speaking like that. Or maybe just a girl in one of those old-time based movies. I'm really starting to think though that that is the best option. No matter how pretentious I feel saying it.
I suppose "thank goodness". This however, leaves me feeling as though I'm Dorothy from WoO speaking like that. Or maybe just a girl in one of those old-time based movies. I'm really starting to think though that that is the best option. No matter how pretentious I feel saying it.
Acceptance
So in the spirit of keeping with my ranting of relationships, I’ve another.
This time based on judgement. I don’t have much of an argument, I don’t have much to contribute but this is my thoughts.
I am bisexual. This does not mean that I cannot make up my mind. This does not mean that I am confused. This does not, in any way, reflect on my sorry state of previous relationships. There is no correlation between my previous relationships or my declared state of bisexuality.
I am bisexual. I find girls equally as (if not more) attractive as guys. I find handsomeness in femininity and beauty in masculinity.
Have I ever dated a boy? Yes, I have. I’m currently in a budding relationship. Have I ever dated a girl? No.
This is not for lack of trying or want. I just have never come across an opportunity.
Have I ever had sex with a boy or girl? No. Does that mean I’m asexual? No. If you’re a virgin, does that mean you’re asexual? Does it mean you’re not attracted to others if you’ve never had sex? No. So then why is my attraction judged on my past experience?
Now I have been asked, how am I sure I like girls? Maybe I just like boys and am in that “curious” stage. After all, all I’ve ever done is kiss a girl; I’ve never had a sexual experience with one. I can’t be sure. How am I sure I like girls if all I’ve ever experienced is one kiss? How can I be sure if I’ve never been in a lesbian situation?
Well, then ask yourself, how are you so sure you like the opposite sex? How are you sure you like anyone at all? If the entirety of our attraction is based on sexual experience, that means that no one is attracted to anyone until they’ve experienced something sexual. Which is complete and utter bullshit. If that was the case, then the teenage masturbation that so many parents are concerned about wouldn’t exist.
Now I have been talked down to, I have been criticised, I have been ostracised and studied. As if “being on the fence” is a problem.
Someone explain to me the logic of a world where homosexuality is sometimes more accepted than bisexuality. If I said I was just lesbian, would I have it easier? Likely not, I would still get criticism, I would be judged. However, I would be judged by those who are unaccepting of homosexuality. I have found that while I am not fully accepted in the heterosexual circles, I am not accepted in the homosexual circles either. Simply because I cannot decide.
Explain to me how that is fair. How I cannot be accepted for my decision and beliefs. How instead I’m seen as someone who simply cannot “make up their mind”. As though attraction is a choice. As if who you lust for, love for, is something you can change. Tell a homosexual that they’re just “confused” that they have to change their thinking, that they have to pick the right gender. Now tell me that I, as a bisexual, am “confused, that I have to change my thinking and simply (ha!) pick a gender.
I almost wish I was just confused. That I wasn’t sure. Perhaps the ignorance would be simpler.
Listening to: 'I Want To Hold Your Hand' - T.V. Carpio's cover of The Beatles
This time based on judgement. I don’t have much of an argument, I don’t have much to contribute but this is my thoughts.
I am bisexual. This does not mean that I cannot make up my mind. This does not mean that I am confused. This does not, in any way, reflect on my sorry state of previous relationships. There is no correlation between my previous relationships or my declared state of bisexuality.
I am bisexual. I find girls equally as (if not more) attractive as guys. I find handsomeness in femininity and beauty in masculinity.
Have I ever dated a boy? Yes, I have. I’m currently in a budding relationship. Have I ever dated a girl? No.
This is not for lack of trying or want. I just have never come across an opportunity.
Have I ever had sex with a boy or girl? No. Does that mean I’m asexual? No. If you’re a virgin, does that mean you’re asexual? Does it mean you’re not attracted to others if you’ve never had sex? No. So then why is my attraction judged on my past experience?
Now I have been asked, how am I sure I like girls? Maybe I just like boys and am in that “curious” stage. After all, all I’ve ever done is kiss a girl; I’ve never had a sexual experience with one. I can’t be sure. How am I sure I like girls if all I’ve ever experienced is one kiss? How can I be sure if I’ve never been in a lesbian situation?
Well, then ask yourself, how are you so sure you like the opposite sex? How are you sure you like anyone at all? If the entirety of our attraction is based on sexual experience, that means that no one is attracted to anyone until they’ve experienced something sexual. Which is complete and utter bullshit. If that was the case, then the teenage masturbation that so many parents are concerned about wouldn’t exist.
Now I have been talked down to, I have been criticised, I have been ostracised and studied. As if “being on the fence” is a problem.
Someone explain to me the logic of a world where homosexuality is sometimes more accepted than bisexuality. If I said I was just lesbian, would I have it easier? Likely not, I would still get criticism, I would be judged. However, I would be judged by those who are unaccepting of homosexuality. I have found that while I am not fully accepted in the heterosexual circles, I am not accepted in the homosexual circles either. Simply because I cannot decide.
Explain to me how that is fair. How I cannot be accepted for my decision and beliefs. How instead I’m seen as someone who simply cannot “make up their mind”. As though attraction is a choice. As if who you lust for, love for, is something you can change. Tell a homosexual that they’re just “confused” that they have to change their thinking, that they have to pick the right gender. Now tell me that I, as a bisexual, am “confused, that I have to change my thinking and simply (ha!) pick a gender.
I almost wish I was just confused. That I wasn’t sure. Perhaps the ignorance would be simpler.
Listening to: 'I Want To Hold Your Hand' - T.V. Carpio's cover of The Beatles
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Changing What I See, Believing What I Am
So I find myself in a new year of university and of course, with new year’s come changes. Whether that new year happens to be in January or not (maybe yours is February, maybe it’s September), it brings change.
I’m not the biggest fan of change. To be fair, I try my best to roll with the punches and I think I do a damn good job of it, but that doesn’t particularly mean I like it. This year though, I find myself liking it a little more...
I’m not the biggest fan of change. To be fair, I try my best to roll with the punches and I think I do a damn good job of it, but that doesn’t particularly mean I like it. This year though, I find myself liking it a little more...
Now I’ve never been a person with high self-esteem. I put on a very convincing face but as a child I went through what most cheerful, but short-tempered, moderately over-weight girls go though: teasing. Rather excessive amounts of it, I might add, but anyways. I was smart, so I was called dumb; I was short-tempered with a tendency to cry (a lot) and I was loud and overbearing (I’m still loud, though I believe not so overbearing) so of course that was a contributing factor.
I was and never have been (and likely never will be) a super skinny person. I have what I refer to as flub. Most of it (re: almost all) is stomach flub so I was called fat and ugly. In this day and age this is almost accepted. Kids will be kids. Yes, yes they will and sometimes those kids will be pretty fucking hurtful in the process.
So, maybe I don’t exercise as often as I should, maybe I don’t eat as healthy as I should, but I’m not unhealthy. Barring congestion problems, I have no outstanding health issues. The sad sorry part of it is that it took me moving away from all the bad influences in my life, numerous amounts of friends and support, and to be honest, years of my time, to realize it.
I have never really been comfortable with my body, but I’m on the right track to getting there. It’s hard though, when every time I get closer to a person I spend weeks waiting for them to start teasing, to start laughing, to start hurting.
I find myself these days, though, reading blogs. This is partially my reason for starting this one. My new-found fascination for blogs stems from two very good friends of mine. They link them frequently and I read them, often more than once and I realize I’m not the only one out there. I’m not the only one with insecurities, I’m not the only one who’s scared and really, I’m not the only one afraid of being called fat or ugly. And in the end, I am not fat and I am not ugly.
Now with this new mindset comes those changes I was referring to. First though, some more back-story.
My very first crush (lasting from the tender age of three to almost fifteen) was hard. At twelve or so he discovered I liked him and didn’t talk to me again until a few years ago. This left me crushed of course (and maybe that’s why they’re called “crushes”) and just reinforced the belief that I was not and would never be wanted. I did get an apology, but years later I was already conditioned. My second crush ended similarly. By the third, fourth, fifth, etc. time, I would gain a crush, furiously smash it to pieces myself and move on. I firmly believed no one would like me, no one could like me. Who could blame them? I was stupid and fat and ugly. Whatever crush I couldn’t ‘crush’ would end once they gained a girlfriend or boyfriend. Usually.
Now the strange thing is, this year. This very different year, where I believe I’m more confident now then I’ve even been, things have changed.
I find myself walking down a hall and noticing that second glance. I find myself talking to people and notice them trying to impress or their voice will change subtly. Now while I don’t believe that every guy or girl wants to hit on me (I will never believe that) I do believe that I’m being noticed.
The thing is, I don’t know why.
I haven’t changed my look. I haven’t changed my attitude (I’m still loud, I speak my mind and unfortunately don’t think before I do so), I haven’t lost weight (in fact I think I’ve gained some but I haven’t stepped on a scale in ages), so what’s different?
Possibly my outlook on life. I look at myself in the mirror and find that in a day, I like how I look a little more than how I don’t. I see myself differently. Not: I look fat in this, my feet are huge, my hair is horribly. But: these jeans look good on me, I like this hat, my eyes are beautiful. There will always be times when I look and don’t like what I see, but they’re less now.
The best part of this is a guy I like? He likes me too. While I have no idea where it will lead or what will happen, I know that something’s happening. And it’s the first time it’s ever happened to me before. The first time that a guy I think is smart, cute, funny and adorable, maybe he thinks the same.
It’s a new and rather terrifying experience, yet exhilarating. I’m hoping there’s a level of patience here as well though, because beneath this confidence is still insecurity and suspicion. A part of me is still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to be different, for him to laugh at me. But I don’t know him all that well yet, so I can still look with hope.
I hope you all will do the same. Try to garner enough confidence each day that each time you look in the mirror and see something you hate, you also see something you like. You don’t even have to love it, that will come in time, but like it. If you can start to notice the good things, eventually the bad things don’t seem quite so bad anymore and you can quiet those childhood demons in your mind.
Now I warn you, unfortunately, that you won’t always get closure. You will never forget what was said to you. Maybe you’ll always be wary and suspicious. But the key is to not let that stop you. To not let those voices win. To try to forgive, if not forget. Sometimes it’s hard. Especially when you can’t seem to find that closure. I know a girl who still finds it funny, all the things they did to me. My sister even told me “If it had happened to someone else, you would laugh too.” See, that’s the thing though, I wouldn’t, I never have. Maybe this is true growing up, having experienced the pain and being stronger and smarter for it. And if that truly is the case, maybe everyone needs a little dose of hurt, just to gain the humility. After all, they say no pain no gain right?
I suppose in the end, the best advice I can give is surround yourself with good people. People that even when you’re depressed and keep repeating “I’m fat/I’m ugly/No one will love me” they will repeat back (as many times as need be) “You’re beautiful”.
You’d be amazed how much it helps. ^_^
Listening to: 'Very Good Advice' - Disney's cartoon Alice in Wonderland
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Twilight
Being one of the last to jump on the proverbial Twilight bandwagon, I’m sure there are far more suitable people to write about these novels. Considering I’ve only read the one and seen the first movie, there most definitely are better people. However, when asked for my opinion on the books and why I haven’t read the others (not that I won’t but I have a tendency to put things off, hence why it took me fours years to read the first one), I’m led back to the same reason.
You see, I don’t mind Twilight per say. I think it makes an interesting Harlequin Romance novel, but an actual piece of adventure fiction? Not really. I don’t see it as a young adult’s novel. Compared to Emily Rodda and Tamora Pierce it’s tripe as a young novel. But when viewed as an HQ novel? It’s honestly not bad.
Unfortunately it keeps being advertised as a great adventure nove when it’s really romance. Halfways decent romance, but nothing that could actually be considered a serious piece of literature. I think I’d have less of a problem with the book if I had gone into it knowing it was romance. Instead, I was expecting a strange plot (a seriously strange plot) but hopefully with enough kickass vampire action to make it worth reading. I got romance and sap instead. I don’t mind sap, but not when I’m expecting vampire action. So it was disappointing in that regard.
Anytime anyone asks me my opinion on Twilight, this is basically what they’ll get: Good as an HQ novel, bad as an action-adventure novel. So on a whole I give the book a “meh”. It’s not bad but it’s not good enough to deserve the cult following it’s garnered. There are far more interesting well-written novels and romance novels should stay where they’re supposed to: in the HQ section that you browse when regular fantasizing doesn’t work and you need help from cheesy plot-lines and dialogue with a romantic ending that will never actually happen in real life and just give you too-high expectations as to what real romance is like.
On *that* shelf. The one you turn to when you’re looking for pathetic perfect airheads and overly-macho perfect males that just want to *protect the female*. The novel you feel that small sense of self-deprication over reading but you just can’t help yourself because life has honestly gotten to that pathetic point where you need “never-gonna-happen” romance to distract you from the utter wasteland real-life romance is. The bog of real-life you’re trying to sludge through that horrible romance novels distract you from by giving you this nice little bubble to live in for a few hours before the bog jabs it with a stick and you’re stuck helplessly trudging again. I sometimes find myself longing for a good pair of rubber boots somedays.
Unfortunately, being one of those who doesn’t hate the book, but doesn’t love it, leaves me in the precarious “in-between” situation where both Twilight fans and Twilight haters are frustrated and angry that I can’t just make up my mind...
Rather similar to what I go through when I tell people I’m bisexual. So at least I’ve had practice in that regard.
However, this is honestly how I feel about Twilight. It’s HQ. That’s it, that’s all and I wish people would stop trying to tell me it’s anything else. I enjoyed the novel, but only because by the first few chapters (re: chapter one), I recognized it for the HQ novel that it was and had fun laughing at the rest of the unbelievable plot until I finished it.
So make of it what you will. I will not disregard Twilight nor will I praise it. I enjoyed the book, which honestly is more than I can say of some novels.
Listening to: 'Save You From The Dark (Legend of Zelda Original Song)' - JC Van Luyn feat. Docjazz4
Hauntingly beautiful, made even better by knowing it's a collaboration of Zelda themes.
You see, I don’t mind Twilight per say. I think it makes an interesting Harlequin Romance novel, but an actual piece of adventure fiction? Not really. I don’t see it as a young adult’s novel. Compared to Emily Rodda and Tamora Pierce it’s tripe as a young novel. But when viewed as an HQ novel? It’s honestly not bad.
Unfortunately it keeps being advertised as a great adventure nove when it’s really romance. Halfways decent romance, but nothing that could actually be considered a serious piece of literature. I think I’d have less of a problem with the book if I had gone into it knowing it was romance. Instead, I was expecting a strange plot (a seriously strange plot) but hopefully with enough kickass vampire action to make it worth reading. I got romance and sap instead. I don’t mind sap, but not when I’m expecting vampire action. So it was disappointing in that regard.
Anytime anyone asks me my opinion on Twilight, this is basically what they’ll get: Good as an HQ novel, bad as an action-adventure novel. So on a whole I give the book a “meh”. It’s not bad but it’s not good enough to deserve the cult following it’s garnered. There are far more interesting well-written novels and romance novels should stay where they’re supposed to: in the HQ section that you browse when regular fantasizing doesn’t work and you need help from cheesy plot-lines and dialogue with a romantic ending that will never actually happen in real life and just give you too-high expectations as to what real romance is like.
On *that* shelf. The one you turn to when you’re looking for pathetic perfect airheads and overly-macho perfect males that just want to *protect the female*. The novel you feel that small sense of self-deprication over reading but you just can’t help yourself because life has honestly gotten to that pathetic point where you need “never-gonna-happen” romance to distract you from the utter wasteland real-life romance is. The bog of real-life you’re trying to sludge through that horrible romance novels distract you from by giving you this nice little bubble to live in for a few hours before the bog jabs it with a stick and you’re stuck helplessly trudging again. I sometimes find myself longing for a good pair of rubber boots somedays.
Unfortunately, being one of those who doesn’t hate the book, but doesn’t love it, leaves me in the precarious “in-between” situation where both Twilight fans and Twilight haters are frustrated and angry that I can’t just make up my mind...
Rather similar to what I go through when I tell people I’m bisexual. So at least I’ve had practice in that regard.
However, this is honestly how I feel about Twilight. It’s HQ. That’s it, that’s all and I wish people would stop trying to tell me it’s anything else. I enjoyed the novel, but only because by the first few chapters (re: chapter one), I recognized it for the HQ novel that it was and had fun laughing at the rest of the unbelievable plot until I finished it.
So make of it what you will. I will not disregard Twilight nor will I praise it. I enjoyed the book, which honestly is more than I can say of some novels.
Listening to: 'Save You From The Dark (Legend of Zelda Original Song)' - JC Van Luyn feat. Docjazz4
Hauntingly beautiful, made even better by knowing it's a collaboration of Zelda themes.
Rainy Days
I like the rain.
I'm sure there are far more interesting things to base a first blog on, however when pressed for one of those things my mind draws a blank.
So I'm left with rain.
It's wet and leaves me soppy and cold. It ruins my hair and reverts it from straight and sassy to curly and poofy. However, it's not being out in the rain that I like. It's being indoors, with the window open and the fresh breeze coming through (preferably without the rain along with it to drench the floors). Hearing the different sounds it can make as it falls and splatters on various surfaces (tin roofs are a joy). Perhaps, if I'm lucky, there will be lightning to brighten the sky and scorch black streaks to my vision, maybe thunder to deafen me. Maybe in the aftermath, there will be a rainbow, or simply drops turned sparkly in the sun.
Or maybe I'll just have the rain. Either way, I'll enjoy it.
Listening to: 'Name' - Goo Goo Dolls
I'm sure there are far more interesting things to base a first blog on, however when pressed for one of those things my mind draws a blank.
So I'm left with rain.
It's wet and leaves me soppy and cold. It ruins my hair and reverts it from straight and sassy to curly and poofy. However, it's not being out in the rain that I like. It's being indoors, with the window open and the fresh breeze coming through (preferably without the rain along with it to drench the floors). Hearing the different sounds it can make as it falls and splatters on various surfaces (tin roofs are a joy). Perhaps, if I'm lucky, there will be lightning to brighten the sky and scorch black streaks to my vision, maybe thunder to deafen me. Maybe in the aftermath, there will be a rainbow, or simply drops turned sparkly in the sun.
Or maybe I'll just have the rain. Either way, I'll enjoy it.
Listening to: 'Name' - Goo Goo Dolls
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